My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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