Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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