and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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