I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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