Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
