if you like me you must not know who I am
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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