Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
