Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
