i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
