3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
soo... how was my night?
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