me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
