Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
