Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
