I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
