i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
