everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
