and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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