the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
