Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
