i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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