I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
