Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
