You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize