I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
