toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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