He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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