I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
