You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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