did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
