I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize