my mouth tastes like poor choices
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
