hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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