I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
