Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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