Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
