There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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