speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
