Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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