He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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