We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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