I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize