i would punch a child for taco bell
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
