were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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