I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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