my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
