My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
