His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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