Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
