I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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