did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
