I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
