my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize