Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize