Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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