Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
