I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
