i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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