my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We have started to decorate penises.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
