Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
