Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize