ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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