Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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