I accidentally burped into my bong.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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